From the day your child is born, parenting comes with a heavy dose of “shoulds.” You’re told that you should provide every opportunity for your child, never lose patience, and manage every responsibility flawlessly. No matter how hard you try, it feels like you’re not measuring up.
The modern approach to parenting has a dark side we don’t often talk about. When you hold yourself to impossibly high standards, parenting becomes less about connection and more about control—control over circumstances, control over appearances, and even control over emotions. This mindset can exacerbate the symptoms associated with mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or a substance use disorder. It can also have a negative effect on your child’s mental health if they start to feel like they can’t live up to your high standards.
Parenting doesn’t require you to be perfect. It requires presence, kindness, and patience for both your child and yourself. Children thrive when their parents are authentic—even if that means occasionally showing vulnerability or admitting they don’t have all the answers.
How Embracing Imperfection Supports Your Mental Health
An imperfect parent loves their child fiercely but realizes that it’s normal to have “off” days, to make mistakes, and to ask for help. They try their best, but acknowledge that it’s impossible to know everything.
When you let go of the need to be perfect, here’s what happens:
- Your stress level goes down. Accepting imperfection helps you breathe easier because you know you’re enough just as you are.
- You stop comparing yourself to others. The best thing you can do for your child is to focus on what works for your family, not what others may be doing. Never forget that nobody knows your child better than you.
- You feel more resilient. Resilience is about bouncing back from setbacks, and it grows when you learn to accept mistakes without beating yourself up. This resilience also models healthy coping mechanisms for your child.
- You leave room for mistakes. When you make a mistake, whether it’s losing your temper or forgetting an activity, acknowledge it without dwelling on it. Model self-compassion by showing your child that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.
- You learn to emphasize connection over perfection. Kids value genuine connection over perfectly planned Pinterest-worthy activities. Whether it’s a spontaneous walk in the park or a few minutes of laughter as you watch funny cat videos together, these moments are what truly nurture their emotional health.
Pop Culture Examples to Inspire You to Let Go of the “Shoulds”
Today’s families come in many different forms. Some families have two parents at home, but some are led by a single parent who plays the role of both mom and dad. In some families, extended family members step in to help raise children. In others, close friends or community members become “chosen” families.
Love—not perfection—is what makes a family complete. Let’s look at some pop culture examples of families that create a healthy, loving environment by embracing imperfection.
- The Banks Family in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Uncle Phil and Aunt Vivian take in their nephew, Will, and provide him with stability, discipline, and love. Though they sometimes struggle to understand Will’s background and experiences, they constantly work on their relationship with him. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air shows that family support can come in many forms.
- The Pearsons in This Is Us
In This Is Us, The Pearson family faces addiction, mental health struggles, and complicated family dynamics. Jack and Rebecca may not always get it right, but their commitment to each other and their kids ultimately strengthens their family.
- The Huangs in Fresh Off the Boat
Fresh Off the Boat follows the Huang family as they navigate cultural differences, assimilation, and raising three boys with distinct personalities. Jessica’s strictness and Louis’s more relaxed approach create humorous and sometimes tense situations. However, their imperfections are met with love, understanding, and growth.
- The Lopez Family in One Day at a Time
In One Day at a Time, single mom Penelope Alvarez raises two children with the help of her mother, Lydia. As a veteran dealing with PTSD and depression, Penelope openly works on her mental health while supporting her family. The show highlights the importance of mental health treatment, showing that imperfect parenting is often about seeking help, setting boundaries, and doing the best with what you have.
- The Gilmore Family in Gilmore Girls
In Gilmore Girls, Lorelai Gilmore, a young single mother, raises her daughter, Rory, in a non-traditional but deeply connected way. Lorelai doesn’t always have the answers and her relationship with her own parents is often strained, but she teaches Rory the value of authenticity and self-reliance.
We’re Here to Help
If you’re struggling with your mental health, you’re not alone. At Raleigh Oaks Behavioral Health, we help parents just like you get the care they need to manage their symptoms and face the future with confidence. Reach out to us today to learn more about how the inpatient and outpatient treatment options at our Garner, North Carolina, facility can support you in finding balance, strength, and peace in your parenting journey.
