Anger Management 101

It’s a common misconception—especially among women—that anger is a “bad” thing. Anger is simply an emotion—and emotions aren’t inherently “good” or “bad.” However, expressing your anger in unhealthy ways can damage your relationships with others while harming your overall mental health. 

Let’s look at how you can tell if your anger management skills could use some work—and what steps you can take to break the anger cycle.

A Quick Anger Management Quiz

Is anger getting the best of you? This short quiz can help you determine whether you could benefit from developing better anger management skills:

1. How often do you feel irritable, on edge, or quick to lose your temper?
2. A) Rarely or never
3. B) Sometimes
4. C) Often 
5. D) Constantly
6. When you get angry, do you lash out in ways that harm your relationships or get you into trouble?
7. A) No, I’m usually able to express my anger constructively.
8. B) Sometimes, but I try to catch myself before my anger escalates.
9. C) Yes, I often say or do things I regret when I’m angry.
10. D) Yes, and it’s a major problem in my life.
11. Do your angry outbursts ever lead to acts of physical aggression, such as slamming doors, punching walls, or throwing objects?
12. A) No, I’ve never been physically aggressive when angry.
13. B) Rarely.  
14. C) Sometimes.
15. D) Regularly. 
16. Are there certain triggers or situations that are especially likely to provoke an angry reaction from you?
17. A) No, my anger seems to come up randomly and unexpectedly.
18. B) Yes, but I’m generally able to anticipate and manage these triggers.
19. C) Yes, and I often have a hard time controlling my anger.
20. D) Yes, and my anger tends to completely overwhelm me in those moments.
21. Do you find that your angry outbursts negatively impact your work, relationships, or other important areas of your life?
22. A) No, my anger doesn’t really cause problems for me.
23. B) Sometimes, but the impact is relatively minor.
24. C) Yes, my anger has led to significant issues and consequences.
25. D) Absolutely, my anger is a major source of difficulty and distress.

Scoring:

• Mostly A’s: You have a relatively healthy handle on your anger.
• Mostly B’s: You have some anger management skills, but could likely benefit from developing them further.
• Mostly C’s: Your anger is causing noticeable problems in your life. It’s time to make anger management a priority.
• Mostly D’s: Your anger has become a serious issue that is significantly disrupting your well-being and quality of life. Seeking professional help to learn effective coping mechanisms is strongly recommended.

A Step-by-Step Plan to Help You Get Your Anger Under Control

If our quiz indicates your anger management skills could use some work, don’t panic. Even if you’re currently known for having a hair-trigger temper, there are tools and techniques that can help you manage your anger in a healthy way. 

Step 1: Take a Look at the Cause of Your Anger

To solve a problem, you need to know why it’s happening. Anger often masks underlying feelings like hurt, fear, or insecurity. Take some time for self-reflection to explore the core issues that may be triggering your outbursts.

Are you feeling disrespected or unheard in your relationships? Are you dealing with significant stress in your daily life? Do you have unresolved trauma from your past that’s threatening to bubble to the surface? When you address the problem of your uncontrolled anger at its source, you’ll be able to move forward in the most productive way possible. 

Step 2: Develop Emotional Awareness

Once you’re able to pinpoint what’s behind your anger, the next step is to become more attuned to what’s happening when your anger starts to boil over. Mindfulness techniques can be incredibly helpful in this process. 

When you start to feel angry, take a moment to tune into your body. Notice where you’re holding tension. Is your jaw clenched? Is your heart racing? Breathe deeply and observe the physical sensations without judgment.

Your goal is to give yourself the space to respond, rather than just react, in the heat of the moment. You want to consciously choose to channel your anger in a healthy direction.

Step 3: Arm Yourself With Productive Coping Strategies

When anger rears its head, it’s important to have a toolkit of coping strategies at the ready. Here are some ideas you can try:

• Take a time-out. Remove yourself from the situation, even if just for a few minutes. Go for a walk, listen to calming music, or engage in another relaxing activity.
• Get moving. Exercise helps you burn off angry energy without hurting yourself or others. Go for a run, hit the gym, or follow along with a YouTube workout video.
• Grab your journal. Writing can be a powerful way to process intense emotions. Your journal can also help you see how your ability to manage your anger is improving over time.
• Communicate your needs. After you’ve regained your composure, have an open and honest conversation about what’s bothering you. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame on the other party. 

You can find additional suggestions for coping with anger on the American Psychological Association website. 

Step 4: Be Patient With Yourself

Overcoming long-standing emotional behavior patterns doesn’t happen overnight. There will be good days and bad days in your anger management journey. If you slip up, strive to treat yourself with the same gentle compassion you’d extend to your loved ones.

At Raleigh Oaks Behavioral Health, we often see clients who are struggling to manage their anger. Although it’s true that anger is a common symptom of both depression and anxiety disorders, know that you don’t have to resign yourself to spending your days feeling like you’re ready to snap. Our treatment team in Garner, North Carolina, is ready to provide you with the guidance you need to manage your anger and improve your overall mental health. Contact us today to request a confidential free assessment.